“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).

I sometimes see T-shirts or online memes that say something like this: “Surround yourself with people who make you happy.” I get it. But that’s an unfortunately shallow way to look at life. 

Now, before you think I’m being too harsh or negative, hear me out.

There are times when we need to be surrounded by people who will challenge us, or make us accountable, or speak an important truth to us—a truth we may not want to hear. In those moments we might not feel “happy,” but we are nevertheless benefiting from the insights, care or friendship of others.

When we only surround ourselves with “people who make us happy” we are inadvertently saying that life is a selfish bubble in which the only important thing is my personal happiness to the exclusion of other people and their serious needs. Happiness is nice, but it’s not the point of life. 

Having said that, it is certainly good to have people in our lives who make us happy. We all like to laugh and feel good, myself included. But if we limit ourselves to those people and moments, we’re living with blinders on.

What about this? Surround yourself with people who make you holy. Perhaps you bristle at the idea. If so, maybe that is because you misunderstand what holiness is. Holiness is being set apart for God’s special purposes. It’s people who help you be honest and truthful. It’s people who help you be more loving. It’s people who help you live by faith. It’s people who assist you in becoming strong, wise, merciful and humble.

When it comes to our relationships, let’s not be naïve or short-sighted. Instead of just focusing on ourselves, let’s focus on Christ.

Notes:

-Bible quotes are from the ESV.